im home.
yep. i did it. very out of the blue, decided to just end my trip and come home. it wasnt because i was scared, lonely, bored, anything of the sort. I went there to accomplish something...and I did. I did everything I needed to do. I read, wrote, learned, partied, got my head on straight, did something on my own, made myself happy and feel good. so i felt like it was time to use all that and apply it to my real life. it was just time to come home. and now that i am here, alone, in my apartment...i feel amazing. im so happy to be here. ive been very productive! working out, 6 job interviews lined up, auditions, plans. it's exciting. its a new chapter in my life.
i was scared of what others would say when i came home early. but now, after talking to some friends, they see the difference in me. they see that i am ME again, the old me, the me that hasnt been around in months. not the depressed, stuck in a rut lindsay that was here before. it feels so good to have others recognize that and admit it to me. i feel great. im taking every day as it comes. i have nothing, i have no job, no relationship, no career, no money. and i love it. im starting from scratch. i have the whole world at my finger tips. i can do whatever i want, whenever i want. i can make everything happen for me...and that is SOOO thrilling to think about.
james brown says it best...I FEEL GOOD
alanis morissette also says it veeerrry well
----------------------
I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five
I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette
And what it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign
I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chickenshit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby
And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano
And what it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything's just fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxi cab - Alanis Morissettte
Friday, November 16, 2007
Saturday, November 10, 2007
oy jeez im pooped!
i am exhausted! im still here in good ol´ barcelona, 130 am, at my hostel. I didnt go out tonight. Just stayed in, cooked dinner with a few new friends and watched Lord of the Rings 1 with a bunch of people haha. So cheesy. But I needed a night of rest, especially after last night!
Yesterday was amazing. I met Paddy, my friend from Prague, around 1pm. We walked by the water of Barcelona, walked up and down the main street La Rambla, went to a market (where I saw lots of goats heads for sale...EW) and took a boat trip! It went up and down the coast on the ocean, so I got to see all of Barcelona! It was GORGEOUS. The pictures will be up soon! Paddy and I just had a blast exchanging travel stories and hanging out. Hes such a wonderful person. On La Rambla, they sell live animals, have live performers and lots of food and shops. It is the cutest place ever. Laying in the sunshine on the ocean was AMAZING. Exactly what I needed!
So after our busy day, we went for dinner and to his hostel. Met a bunch of Paddys friends and we about 20 of us went to a bar. I met another blonde, pasty Lindsay and we took control. It was such a feet trying to get everyone to stick together hahah. But we made it and around 130am, we all decided to go to a club! It was a long and exiting journey to the club! This place, called Rattmatazz, holds up to 5000 people apparently! It was gigantic! Played 80s music, bad British music and pop American. We all just got very drunk an danced the night away! I havent gone that crazy in a long time. There were platforms that the other Lindsay and I danced on and we just had sooooo much fun. We danced till 6am!!! That place is also a concert hall! Spoon is playing in a over the next few weeks...so is Diplo! SOOO sad that Im prob missing those concerts! Oh well!
So yeah, the 20 of us partied hard and had fun. Wasnt very drunk which was great, I was able to keep composure while still dancing hardcore. After a late night/early morning Burger King run, I got into my bed around 730. Its been years since I went to bed that late! It also reminded me of why I DONT party like that very often. Im exhausted today...it was too much. But fun all the same. You only live once!
So today I went to lunch with a friend from this hostel and then went up the HUGE mountain looking over Barcelona. Then to the Guidi (I think thats how its spelled) Park. Its this famous guy who did lots of Architechture around Spain, they gave him this park to do whatever he wanted with it...and he did mosaic on the WHOLE thing. It also gave me a 360 view of Barcelona and the Ocean. SOOOO AMAZING. One of teh best things Ive ever seen! It was cold, but very sunny! Tonight, as said earlier, just dinner and a movie. Perfect. Who knows what tomorrow will bring! As of right now, I am loving this holiday. Its the best thing Ive ever done and I dont regret one minute of it!!! YAY! Missing my sister a bunch. And my girls. And my puppies haha. I really want to DANCE. Act. OMG ballet I miss you.
Yesterday was amazing. I met Paddy, my friend from Prague, around 1pm. We walked by the water of Barcelona, walked up and down the main street La Rambla, went to a market (where I saw lots of goats heads for sale...EW) and took a boat trip! It went up and down the coast on the ocean, so I got to see all of Barcelona! It was GORGEOUS. The pictures will be up soon! Paddy and I just had a blast exchanging travel stories and hanging out. Hes such a wonderful person. On La Rambla, they sell live animals, have live performers and lots of food and shops. It is the cutest place ever. Laying in the sunshine on the ocean was AMAZING. Exactly what I needed!
So after our busy day, we went for dinner and to his hostel. Met a bunch of Paddys friends and we about 20 of us went to a bar. I met another blonde, pasty Lindsay and we took control. It was such a feet trying to get everyone to stick together hahah. But we made it and around 130am, we all decided to go to a club! It was a long and exiting journey to the club! This place, called Rattmatazz, holds up to 5000 people apparently! It was gigantic! Played 80s music, bad British music and pop American. We all just got very drunk an danced the night away! I havent gone that crazy in a long time. There were platforms that the other Lindsay and I danced on and we just had sooooo much fun. We danced till 6am!!! That place is also a concert hall! Spoon is playing in a over the next few weeks...so is Diplo! SOOO sad that Im prob missing those concerts! Oh well!
So yeah, the 20 of us partied hard and had fun. Wasnt very drunk which was great, I was able to keep composure while still dancing hardcore. After a late night/early morning Burger King run, I got into my bed around 730. Its been years since I went to bed that late! It also reminded me of why I DONT party like that very often. Im exhausted today...it was too much. But fun all the same. You only live once!
So today I went to lunch with a friend from this hostel and then went up the HUGE mountain looking over Barcelona. Then to the Guidi (I think thats how its spelled) Park. Its this famous guy who did lots of Architechture around Spain, they gave him this park to do whatever he wanted with it...and he did mosaic on the WHOLE thing. It also gave me a 360 view of Barcelona and the Ocean. SOOOO AMAZING. One of teh best things Ive ever seen! It was cold, but very sunny! Tonight, as said earlier, just dinner and a movie. Perfect. Who knows what tomorrow will bring! As of right now, I am loving this holiday. Its the best thing Ive ever done and I dont regret one minute of it!!! YAY! Missing my sister a bunch. And my girls. And my puppies haha. I really want to DANCE. Act. OMG ballet I miss you.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
im leaving a family behind
just got in to barcelona!!! hooray for spain! i´m very happy, i atleast somewhat know the language here. much better than italy or czech rep. anyhow! immediately my spanish started to return to me. hopefully ill get much better by the end of this trip! this hostel is so weird though, especially compared to my last one...Chianti. Its really far out of the center part of town, pretty quiet and deserted. and everyones just, relaxing! no partying! its nice, for once! im sure ill find something to do tomorrow though heh.
its amazing how already i miss my chianti family. i went back there from florence yesterday and spent last night and today hanging out with my friends. its really quite remarkable how 6 people from such different backgrounds were able to come together and create such a bond, such a family. i really miss them already, things arent as much fun without those kids around. ah, oh well...i guess thats the beauty and the horror of traveling. making new friends...then losing them. but i actually do think these friends will be life long, as strange as that sounds...but we DID spend 2 weeks straight together having a blast!
one thing i didnt understand was...where were all the hot italian men? seriously! i mean i wasnt like searching hard core, but even on the street i never saw one. only hot women. thats not right hahah!! oh well. somehow, i think ill survive heh. oh! so barcelona!! i walked off teh plane and it was sooo much colder than in rome!! i thought it was supposed to be warm here...whats going on? ah! and last night, lorenzo...the hostel owner of Chianti in Rome, took me on his scooter!!!!!
First, let me explain that Lorenzo is bascially my crazy Italian uncle I never had. He adopted the 6 of us bascially into his family while we were in Italy, and took a particular liking to me. We cooked, drank, all hung out. Hes like 45 with kids and just the sweetest most wonderful person. So we all went to a bar last night after wating Team America..of course....and I told Lorenzo I was sad! I wanted an Italian man to sweep me off my feet and whisk me away on his scooter...and it didnt happen! So he said, to make me happy, he would drive me the 4 blocks home hahahaha and he did! So it wasnt the whole romantic shpeal I dreamt of...it was better! With my crazy Italian uncle, me half drunk whizzing away down the streets of Rome!! It was so liberating, so free! I want one now haha. I thought I was going to die half the time, but thats the fun of it!
Now looking back at Florence, I wish I had seen more sites. It was just so hard, since we all had major colds, 3 of us with the chicken pox, and way too much drinking...i think we needed a bit of rest. Oh well. I plan on going crazy with seeing all the sites here in Spain. I dont have my party friends to distract me!
As I flew from Rome to Barcelona tonight, I thought of home the entire time. Of how I missed it, of how amazing it really is. Im very excited to return someday, still dont know when...but I just know things will be a billion times better than they were, in every way. Because I have changed, me as a person and my views on life. Im excited to see how others take to it! Everyone I meet on this trip is either from Australia or Canada. Where are the Swiss? Germans? Italians? Anyone? Hehe.
Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad! I miss you and love you and wish I could be there celebrating it with you!!! XOXOXO
-----------------------------
Free As A Bird,
It's the next best thing to be free as a bird.
Home, home and dry
Like a homing bird I fly, as a bird on wings
Whatever happened to the life that we once knew
Can we really live without each other
Where did we lose the touch
That seemed to mean so much
It always made me feel so
Free as a bird,
It's the next best thing to being free as a bird.
Home home and dry
Like a homing bird I fly--a bird on wing
Whatever happened to the life that we once knew
Always made me feel soooo
Free
its amazing how already i miss my chianti family. i went back there from florence yesterday and spent last night and today hanging out with my friends. its really quite remarkable how 6 people from such different backgrounds were able to come together and create such a bond, such a family. i really miss them already, things arent as much fun without those kids around. ah, oh well...i guess thats the beauty and the horror of traveling. making new friends...then losing them. but i actually do think these friends will be life long, as strange as that sounds...but we DID spend 2 weeks straight together having a blast!
one thing i didnt understand was...where were all the hot italian men? seriously! i mean i wasnt like searching hard core, but even on the street i never saw one. only hot women. thats not right hahah!! oh well. somehow, i think ill survive heh. oh! so barcelona!! i walked off teh plane and it was sooo much colder than in rome!! i thought it was supposed to be warm here...whats going on? ah! and last night, lorenzo...the hostel owner of Chianti in Rome, took me on his scooter!!!!!
First, let me explain that Lorenzo is bascially my crazy Italian uncle I never had. He adopted the 6 of us bascially into his family while we were in Italy, and took a particular liking to me. We cooked, drank, all hung out. Hes like 45 with kids and just the sweetest most wonderful person. So we all went to a bar last night after wating Team America..of course....and I told Lorenzo I was sad! I wanted an Italian man to sweep me off my feet and whisk me away on his scooter...and it didnt happen! So he said, to make me happy, he would drive me the 4 blocks home hahahaha and he did! So it wasnt the whole romantic shpeal I dreamt of...it was better! With my crazy Italian uncle, me half drunk whizzing away down the streets of Rome!! It was so liberating, so free! I want one now haha. I thought I was going to die half the time, but thats the fun of it!
Now looking back at Florence, I wish I had seen more sites. It was just so hard, since we all had major colds, 3 of us with the chicken pox, and way too much drinking...i think we needed a bit of rest. Oh well. I plan on going crazy with seeing all the sites here in Spain. I dont have my party friends to distract me!
As I flew from Rome to Barcelona tonight, I thought of home the entire time. Of how I missed it, of how amazing it really is. Im very excited to return someday, still dont know when...but I just know things will be a billion times better than they were, in every way. Because I have changed, me as a person and my views on life. Im excited to see how others take to it! Everyone I meet on this trip is either from Australia or Canada. Where are the Swiss? Germans? Italians? Anyone? Hehe.
Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad! I miss you and love you and wish I could be there celebrating it with you!!! XOXOXO
-----------------------------
Free As A Bird,
It's the next best thing to be free as a bird.
Home, home and dry
Like a homing bird I fly, as a bird on wings
Whatever happened to the life that we once knew
Can we really live without each other
Where did we lose the touch
That seemed to mean so much
It always made me feel so
Free as a bird,
It's the next best thing to being free as a bird.
Home home and dry
Like a homing bird I fly--a bird on wing
Whatever happened to the life that we once knew
Always made me feel soooo
Free
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
where to go from here?
So yesterday my frinends and I sat around thinking...what should we all do next? Amsterdam? Berlin? CAIRO? I got very excited at that idea...but we decided that it wouldnt work heh. Then we really discussed it all..got serious. Money, meeting friends...etc. We are going to have to break up and go ont he rest of our trips seperately for the most part. The couple have to go to Budapest in 2 days to meet a friend. Another guy has to go to Croatia. The liverpool guy needs to go back to Rome. So, I figure...well I might as well move on to Barcelona, like I was suppposed to!
My friend Paddy will be there in a day or two and our new friend from Wash DC we met here in Florence is going in a day or two also...so atleast I can hang out with them. But itll be good for me to be completely on my own for a bit too. Its been a few days or insanity. I am loving all of this, having the time of my life...i can just feel it getting a bit old. So I need to change my scenery and do something different! Liven it up a bit. Its getting colder here too. Barcelona will be nice!
The shopping here is incredible, I am just so angry I cant really buy anything because of how expensive and big it all is! Damn backpacking.
This is the first time I am not sure what to write. We havent done that much here in Florence. Went to teh Uffizi, saw the David, the Duomo, walked around a lot...but thats it. ITs been more just hanging out which is nice. Relaxing too. I just dont like the idea again of me not knowing exactly what I am doing next. It used to be the fun of it, now its a bit annoying..but still fun heh. Whatever, I am sure something great and exciting will happen...and Ill have fun. I really miss home and people still, of course...but its getting better. Actually, Its not that its getting better really, im just getting numb to it or learning to deal with it better. So thats good. But its still hard.
Think we are going back to Rome tomorrow morning than we all split up in our different ways. Ill miss these kids, we really bonded and had a lot of fun. I hope we all meet again. Its good for people to meet again in life. a lot of these party nights i just wish i could be home in ny in my bed curled up cuddling watching a movie. i miss that and boy, was it nice. much better than the partying. oh well. this is good too.
i want to watch moulin rouge.
My friend Paddy will be there in a day or two and our new friend from Wash DC we met here in Florence is going in a day or two also...so atleast I can hang out with them. But itll be good for me to be completely on my own for a bit too. Its been a few days or insanity. I am loving all of this, having the time of my life...i can just feel it getting a bit old. So I need to change my scenery and do something different! Liven it up a bit. Its getting colder here too. Barcelona will be nice!
The shopping here is incredible, I am just so angry I cant really buy anything because of how expensive and big it all is! Damn backpacking.
This is the first time I am not sure what to write. We havent done that much here in Florence. Went to teh Uffizi, saw the David, the Duomo, walked around a lot...but thats it. ITs been more just hanging out which is nice. Relaxing too. I just dont like the idea again of me not knowing exactly what I am doing next. It used to be the fun of it, now its a bit annoying..but still fun heh. Whatever, I am sure something great and exciting will happen...and Ill have fun. I really miss home and people still, of course...but its getting better. Actually, Its not that its getting better really, im just getting numb to it or learning to deal with it better. So thats good. But its still hard.
Think we are going back to Rome tomorrow morning than we all split up in our different ways. Ill miss these kids, we really bonded and had a lot of fun. I hope we all meet again. Its good for people to meet again in life. a lot of these party nights i just wish i could be home in ny in my bed curled up cuddling watching a movie. i miss that and boy, was it nice. much better than the partying. oh well. this is good too.
i want to watch moulin rouge.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
insanity!!!
where to even begin! well first off, I am in Florence!!! In Rome, I met this group of people and we all just bonded immediately. A French Canadian guy, a skouser from Liverpool, a cute little couple from western Canada and another guy from Ontario! We spent the entire week in Rome partying every night and exploring the sites every day. We just get on so well, its perfect. One Canadian left 2 days ago to see his g-f in Scotland, but the rest of us decided to head to Florence together, so here we are! We have made friends along the way and keep having an amazing time. The weather is perfect. Sunny and clear. Warm during the day, cold at night.
Food isnt so great here, so we went out for Chinese food tonight...hahaha and it was amazing. Felt like home! We keep getting stuck in these crazy adventures. We were out of a room on Friday night here in Florence, but at like 11 at night we found a place 20 min outside of town run by an old crazy Italian grandma. They only had one room so the 4 of us slept in this big bed all cuddled up haahh. It was interesintg, but histerical. These people have become verrrry good friends. We even plan to do a roadtrip together next summer!
I am loving this vacation! The past week or so has just been so mcuh fun. Meeting new people, experiencing new things. Learning, chatting...getting help from strangers. I cant believe its almost half over already. Time flies! from here I might go to athens with the couple, or to Pisa with this new guy we met here in Florence, or possibly Barcelona to just soak up the sun and fun! Who knows...but that is the beauty of it!
OOOH!! I have chicken pox!! Haha. One guy got it, gave it to me and his girlfriend. I have nooo idea how. I guess just from being around each other all week, sharing drinks or something. Its not that bad though, we are all a bit sick and it itches a lot..but its a different strand than what we all had when we were kids so its ok. Its really funny though. I have soooo many funny weird stories from this trip. I want to write more on here, but time is running out. Ill write more soon. Ive been keeping a journal every day of what Im doing, so as soon as I can ill update more.
I love you all at home and miss you very mcuh. Still think of my friends and family constantly. You are my rocks. Hi jojoba.
Food isnt so great here, so we went out for Chinese food tonight...hahaha and it was amazing. Felt like home! We keep getting stuck in these crazy adventures. We were out of a room on Friday night here in Florence, but at like 11 at night we found a place 20 min outside of town run by an old crazy Italian grandma. They only had one room so the 4 of us slept in this big bed all cuddled up haahh. It was interesintg, but histerical. These people have become verrrry good friends. We even plan to do a roadtrip together next summer!
I am loving this vacation! The past week or so has just been so mcuh fun. Meeting new people, experiencing new things. Learning, chatting...getting help from strangers. I cant believe its almost half over already. Time flies! from here I might go to athens with the couple, or to Pisa with this new guy we met here in Florence, or possibly Barcelona to just soak up the sun and fun! Who knows...but that is the beauty of it!
OOOH!! I have chicken pox!! Haha. One guy got it, gave it to me and his girlfriend. I have nooo idea how. I guess just from being around each other all week, sharing drinks or something. Its not that bad though, we are all a bit sick and it itches a lot..but its a different strand than what we all had when we were kids so its ok. Its really funny though. I have soooo many funny weird stories from this trip. I want to write more on here, but time is running out. Ill write more soon. Ive been keeping a journal every day of what Im doing, so as soon as I can ill update more.
I love you all at home and miss you very mcuh. Still think of my friends and family constantly. You are my rocks. Hi jojoba.
Monday, October 29, 2007
there's beauty in the breakdown
im so silly! ive been using this blog to pour my guts out, to...to, i dont even know. but not for what i should be doing! that stuff is private. most of it atleast. a lot of it is good for people to know obviously, but seriously? i should be just telling you all oh, this is what i did today...blah blah. so i think ill compromise and do a bit of both. that seems to work.
i feel good. im in rome.
its been an iffy past few days, but i immediately got here and started feeling GREAT. my plane was delayed yesterday for 3 hours, then i had to take a longass train from the airport to the city center, then i had to walk to find my hostel and got lost...so it was a MESS of a day. but i felt very proud to make it through ok and figure it all out on my own. i must say, this just proves to myself how strong and independent i can be! woo!
so i got into the hostel, and IMMEDIATELY people were talking to me, offering me beers, etc etc. a bunch of solo guys from all over have been staying there for over a week bc they just have so much fun. i bonded with them straight away and another girl and we all just drank and partied in the hostel. then we decided to go to a bar, like 15 of us, so we went on a LONG long walk around rome to a bar. the girl ended up drinking too much so she got sick and blah blah. i had to take care of her and we had to carry her home. thats the second time ive helped out a random stranger at my hostel when they get sick. i did it for a guy in prague. stupid kids, cant control themselves. but overall it was one of the most fun nights ever. all these guys, me and the drunk girl just wandering rome. most of the guys were from canada, england or the US so we could talk just fine.
today i just walked around rome, went to the collisium, (not inside it though, they didnt take credit cards and i didnt have enough euro on me, so i waited in line for over an HOUR for nothing!! grrrr) the forum, etc. its so gorgeous, everywhere you turn there is another ancient runes! the weather is also BEAUTIFUL! warm! flip flops and tshirts! sunny! such a change from cold rainy prague. i love it. i have a feeling im going to stay in rome for awhile hanging out with these guys. we have a blast together and it feels good to be having a lot of fun. gives me lots of confidence too, knowing that they all like me so much. ive really recognized that a lot this trip, like whoa...i am actually cool! haha people love to be around me! sweet!
i keep getting a million comments on my....well, not really mine, but the uh, dog=tag bracelet i have on. i love being able to tell a bit of a story that goes with it. people find it facinating. i love learning about other people too! i run around being like, ok who are you. whats your deal. name, address, occupation..etc. its fun as hell. so interesting, everyone is so different!!!
never again will i take advantage of the little things in life. thats todays lesson. if someone buys you a chocolate bar, swedish fish, anything...just because they think it will make you happier, APPRECIATE IT. I didnt, now I regret it. Its the little stuff like that, that can make every day better. There really are good people in the world. Thats a thing a good person does. I want to cook too. I really am going to get back into it when I get home. Im intrigued. I also have been working out, well kind of. Doing situps and stuff in the hostel. Its all I can do really, cant go running...so. But I stopped biting my nails! YAY! It really WAS gross. Umm what else. I am eating very healthy and I feel sooo good about my body. I am living my life, FINALLY, the way that I have always wanted to! And beleive me, this will keep going even when I get home. Its fantaaaastic. Oh, but I did have Nutella Gilato today. MMMM im aloud to cheat once...just for that. so good.
yay italy! pretty people everywhere. mostly women actually. they all look like margherita, it makes me sad hahaha. but thats ok, im pretty too, just different. giggle giggle. but i will admit, i DID like seeing the cute italian men dressed up as ancient roman gladiators near the collisieum or howoever u spell it. wont complain about that...
love and miss you all like crazy...but im off for champagne monday. its what the drunk girl came up with last night...oy vey!!!
i feel good. im in rome.
its been an iffy past few days, but i immediately got here and started feeling GREAT. my plane was delayed yesterday for 3 hours, then i had to take a longass train from the airport to the city center, then i had to walk to find my hostel and got lost...so it was a MESS of a day. but i felt very proud to make it through ok and figure it all out on my own. i must say, this just proves to myself how strong and independent i can be! woo!
so i got into the hostel, and IMMEDIATELY people were talking to me, offering me beers, etc etc. a bunch of solo guys from all over have been staying there for over a week bc they just have so much fun. i bonded with them straight away and another girl and we all just drank and partied in the hostel. then we decided to go to a bar, like 15 of us, so we went on a LONG long walk around rome to a bar. the girl ended up drinking too much so she got sick and blah blah. i had to take care of her and we had to carry her home. thats the second time ive helped out a random stranger at my hostel when they get sick. i did it for a guy in prague. stupid kids, cant control themselves. but overall it was one of the most fun nights ever. all these guys, me and the drunk girl just wandering rome. most of the guys were from canada, england or the US so we could talk just fine.
today i just walked around rome, went to the collisium, (not inside it though, they didnt take credit cards and i didnt have enough euro on me, so i waited in line for over an HOUR for nothing!! grrrr) the forum, etc. its so gorgeous, everywhere you turn there is another ancient runes! the weather is also BEAUTIFUL! warm! flip flops and tshirts! sunny! such a change from cold rainy prague. i love it. i have a feeling im going to stay in rome for awhile hanging out with these guys. we have a blast together and it feels good to be having a lot of fun. gives me lots of confidence too, knowing that they all like me so much. ive really recognized that a lot this trip, like whoa...i am actually cool! haha people love to be around me! sweet!
i keep getting a million comments on my....well, not really mine, but the uh, dog=tag bracelet i have on. i love being able to tell a bit of a story that goes with it. people find it facinating. i love learning about other people too! i run around being like, ok who are you. whats your deal. name, address, occupation..etc. its fun as hell. so interesting, everyone is so different!!!
never again will i take advantage of the little things in life. thats todays lesson. if someone buys you a chocolate bar, swedish fish, anything...just because they think it will make you happier, APPRECIATE IT. I didnt, now I regret it. Its the little stuff like that, that can make every day better. There really are good people in the world. Thats a thing a good person does. I want to cook too. I really am going to get back into it when I get home. Im intrigued. I also have been working out, well kind of. Doing situps and stuff in the hostel. Its all I can do really, cant go running...so. But I stopped biting my nails! YAY! It really WAS gross. Umm what else. I am eating very healthy and I feel sooo good about my body. I am living my life, FINALLY, the way that I have always wanted to! And beleive me, this will keep going even when I get home. Its fantaaaastic. Oh, but I did have Nutella Gilato today. MMMM im aloud to cheat once...just for that. so good.
yay italy! pretty people everywhere. mostly women actually. they all look like margherita, it makes me sad hahaha. but thats ok, im pretty too, just different. giggle giggle. but i will admit, i DID like seeing the cute italian men dressed up as ancient roman gladiators near the collisieum or howoever u spell it. wont complain about that...
love and miss you all like crazy...but im off for champagne monday. its what the drunk girl came up with last night...oy vey!!!
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Strength is my favorite word. Always has been.
Hi Jojoba.
So tomorrow I´m going to Rome! I had a moment of major weakness tonight. I have been trying to get in contact with Risa about Israel, and was only just able to. I wont be able to go there. First off, its 600 dollars one way. 2nd, she lives with 3 other girls, one of them in the same bedroom. I had no idea, I was completely confused obviously and had it all wrong. She said I could stay for a little bit, maybe a week...but no more because it would be rude to her roommates. I completely agree and apologized because I didnt know...so I said nevermind. Ill visit her next summer with Birthright.
So I sat here at my hostel saying, OK. NOW WHAT?! I do still want to go home....itś not because im scared or this is hard...its still the boredom factor. Ive been very entertained this week with my new friend Paddy, but hes gone now and even so, this just isnt what I really want to be doing. My heart isnt in the right place for it. I have loved this trip. I have learned so much. About myself, the world, life, love, etc. But I said, NO. I cant go home. I have to stick this out, just to prove to myself I can. I might be miserable at points, yes, but I am extremely happy at points too. I feel the best about myself and life than I ever have. EVER. Im confident. Im happy. Im looking forward to my bright future. But I am here. So I might as well make the best of it that I can. Ill be home someday, just not tomorrow. GOOD. People need a break from me, hehe.
I spent the day just walking around Prague, getting lost, window shopping, writing. It was glorious. I literally felt amazing, so at peace. I´ve realized a lot about how I am my own maker of the world. I create my happiness and I take it away. I don beleive in soulmates anymore. I beleive that I am here for me, and if I find others along the way that make it better, so be it. But ultimately...I am what matters.
Damn that feels fucking good to say that.
I cant wait until I am home and I can do what I want to do. Im going to JUMP right back into the acting thing. Go full throttle. Get myself an agent. Get a real job and STICK TO IT. Im gonna grow the fuck uppppppppppppp! Im going to hang out with my friends. Take solo walks. Go see theatre. Drink wine. Read. Fuck I am excited for life. Life is good man, it really is. Im going to stop taking advantage of it. And the people around me. HEY KIDS, listen to me! Listen to what I am saying and how I feel! STRIVE TO DO THE SAME! YOU CAN! If I did, anyone can ;)
I swear, EVERYONE in Prague drives a beaver (station wagon for those of you who dont know) - BEAVER here BEAVER there. Its so funny.
Oh and I have one other thing to mention. You knw how in America at bars there are nuts or popcorn sitting out on bars? Just for anyone? Well, aparently itś not like that here hahhaa. Some guy had nuts next to him, I went up t the bar to order a drink, saw his nuts (giggle) and took one. He just looked up at me like what the hell? and started laughing. I realizd my mistake, he had ordered them specially! I apologized and ran away. HAHAHAHHAHA.
Something ive realized too...you dont just stop loving someone. you dont fall out of love quickly. it just doesnt happen. i pushed people away this summer. i wouldnt let anyone love me, nor did i love anyone. but now that ive stepped away from it all, i do realize how much i do love my people at home. i can love again. it is always possible. you say certain words, oh i hate them. oh i dont want be here. but they dont mean anything until you make them mean something. just saying it, convincing yourself of it...doesnt count. because its not real. dont just give up . you try again. you struggle. if there was no struggle in life, there would be no good either.
Im reading the book, The Power of Now. Its amazing and enlightening. One of my favorite quotes is this: ´´Your love is not outside; it is deep within you. You can never lose it, and it cannot leave you. It is not dependent on some other body, some external form....love is not selective. There may be one person who reflects your love back to you more clearly and more intensely than others. The bond that connects you with that person is the same bond that connects you with the person sitting next to you on a bus, or with a bird, a tree a flower. Only the degree of intensity with which it is felt differs.´´ We had a pretty good amount of it. Love. And it is not lost. It was just shoved under a mat for awhile, but it can be brought out once again. That is what I believe about life. I believe others do too. Otherwise, all hope is lost.
My Irishman friend is amazing. He has changed my life, helped me grow. Helped me see the best of life. He went to Vienna today and wrote me this a few minutes ago. I just want to post it. Its not meant to brag, not meant to be like wow, look how amazing i am love me blah blah. its meant to show how different i have become and how good i feel. and how i can make others feel good too. ahhhh thank you very much ;)
´´I guess what I´m trying to say is the time we spent together affected me in
a deep and profound way. Normally I´m not the sentimental type but your
personality and the way you wear your heart on your sleeve encouraged me to
do the same. Your a gift to this world Lindsay and I´m so grateful that for whatever
reason our lives collided in the empty hostel with the cranky hosts. We
cheered each other up and, whisper it, even had some fun too. You´ve made me a better person by just being yourself. Enjoy your travels and stay "strong." - Paddy
So tomorrow I´m going to Rome! I had a moment of major weakness tonight. I have been trying to get in contact with Risa about Israel, and was only just able to. I wont be able to go there. First off, its 600 dollars one way. 2nd, she lives with 3 other girls, one of them in the same bedroom. I had no idea, I was completely confused obviously and had it all wrong. She said I could stay for a little bit, maybe a week...but no more because it would be rude to her roommates. I completely agree and apologized because I didnt know...so I said nevermind. Ill visit her next summer with Birthright.
So I sat here at my hostel saying, OK. NOW WHAT?! I do still want to go home....itś not because im scared or this is hard...its still the boredom factor. Ive been very entertained this week with my new friend Paddy, but hes gone now and even so, this just isnt what I really want to be doing. My heart isnt in the right place for it. I have loved this trip. I have learned so much. About myself, the world, life, love, etc. But I said, NO. I cant go home. I have to stick this out, just to prove to myself I can. I might be miserable at points, yes, but I am extremely happy at points too. I feel the best about myself and life than I ever have. EVER. Im confident. Im happy. Im looking forward to my bright future. But I am here. So I might as well make the best of it that I can. Ill be home someday, just not tomorrow. GOOD. People need a break from me, hehe.
I spent the day just walking around Prague, getting lost, window shopping, writing. It was glorious. I literally felt amazing, so at peace. I´ve realized a lot about how I am my own maker of the world. I create my happiness and I take it away. I don beleive in soulmates anymore. I beleive that I am here for me, and if I find others along the way that make it better, so be it. But ultimately...I am what matters.
Damn that feels fucking good to say that.
I cant wait until I am home and I can do what I want to do. Im going to JUMP right back into the acting thing. Go full throttle. Get myself an agent. Get a real job and STICK TO IT. Im gonna grow the fuck uppppppppppppp! Im going to hang out with my friends. Take solo walks. Go see theatre. Drink wine. Read. Fuck I am excited for life. Life is good man, it really is. Im going to stop taking advantage of it. And the people around me. HEY KIDS, listen to me! Listen to what I am saying and how I feel! STRIVE TO DO THE SAME! YOU CAN! If I did, anyone can ;)
I swear, EVERYONE in Prague drives a beaver (station wagon for those of you who dont know) - BEAVER here BEAVER there. Its so funny.
Oh and I have one other thing to mention. You knw how in America at bars there are nuts or popcorn sitting out on bars? Just for anyone? Well, aparently itś not like that here hahhaa. Some guy had nuts next to him, I went up t the bar to order a drink, saw his nuts (giggle) and took one. He just looked up at me like what the hell? and started laughing. I realizd my mistake, he had ordered them specially! I apologized and ran away. HAHAHAHHAHA.
Something ive realized too...you dont just stop loving someone. you dont fall out of love quickly. it just doesnt happen. i pushed people away this summer. i wouldnt let anyone love me, nor did i love anyone. but now that ive stepped away from it all, i do realize how much i do love my people at home. i can love again. it is always possible. you say certain words, oh i hate them. oh i dont want be here. but they dont mean anything until you make them mean something. just saying it, convincing yourself of it...doesnt count. because its not real. dont just give up . you try again. you struggle. if there was no struggle in life, there would be no good either.
Im reading the book, The Power of Now. Its amazing and enlightening. One of my favorite quotes is this: ´´Your love is not outside; it is deep within you. You can never lose it, and it cannot leave you. It is not dependent on some other body, some external form....love is not selective. There may be one person who reflects your love back to you more clearly and more intensely than others. The bond that connects you with that person is the same bond that connects you with the person sitting next to you on a bus, or with a bird, a tree a flower. Only the degree of intensity with which it is felt differs.´´ We had a pretty good amount of it. Love. And it is not lost. It was just shoved under a mat for awhile, but it can be brought out once again. That is what I believe about life. I believe others do too. Otherwise, all hope is lost.
My Irishman friend is amazing. He has changed my life, helped me grow. Helped me see the best of life. He went to Vienna today and wrote me this a few minutes ago. I just want to post it. Its not meant to brag, not meant to be like wow, look how amazing i am love me blah blah. its meant to show how different i have become and how good i feel. and how i can make others feel good too. ahhhh thank you very much ;)
´´I guess what I´m trying to say is the time we spent together affected me in
a deep and profound way. Normally I´m not the sentimental type but your
personality and the way you wear your heart on your sleeve encouraged me to
do the same. Your a gift to this world Lindsay and I´m so grateful that for whatever
reason our lives collided in the empty hostel with the cranky hosts. We
cheered each other up and, whisper it, even had some fun too. You´ve made me a better person by just being yourself. Enjoy your travels and stay "strong." - Paddy
Friday, October 26, 2007
Friends friends friends!
I love my friends. I truly do. You kids are amazing. I wouldnt be who I am today without you. You are brilliant, strong, beautiful, fun, inspiring people. And I friggin love you for that. I feel for Laura. Our situations are similiar right now. Check out her blog, ¨Southern in the City¨ - link is on the right side of this page, down a bit. She words it all beautifully. I know how horrible all of this can be and I know how strong she is. She and I will both pull through life better people, especially with the help of each other and our friends. She is a wonderful woman and only does deserve the best.
I miss my best friend. The companionship.
So, what am I going to do? Visit my OTHER best friend, RISA! In Israel! She moved there months ago and I miss her soooooooooooooooooooo much. I´m lonely and bored here, she invited me there. Why wouldnt I go and hang out in a gorgeous, warm place with the girl I love? Sounds a hell of a lot better than here!!! I´ll keep this updated as I know if itś definite or not...I kind of just woke up this morning, had this impulse and want to act upon it! Damn I am impulsive! Spontaneous! This whole trip has been like that for me! Cancelling everything, coming to Prague...doing things never done before. I FUCKING LOVE IT. Itś so me! The me I lost this summer! Im back and in action and ready to take on life with a big ol' FUCK YEAHHHHHH! Dude, Im awesome!
---------------------------------------
Well you call me your baby
when you're holding my hand,
But the way that you hurt me
I just don't understand.
Well you say that you need me
like an ocean needs sand.
But the way you deceive me
I just don't understand.
Well you know that I love you
more than anyone can.
But a one sided love
I just don't understand.
Well you know that I love you
more than anyone can.
But a one sided love
I just don't understand.
Well you call me your baby
when you're holding my hand,
Oh how you can hurt me
I just can't understand. - The Beatles
I miss my best friend. The companionship.
So, what am I going to do? Visit my OTHER best friend, RISA! In Israel! She moved there months ago and I miss her soooooooooooooooooooo much. I´m lonely and bored here, she invited me there. Why wouldnt I go and hang out in a gorgeous, warm place with the girl I love? Sounds a hell of a lot better than here!!! I´ll keep this updated as I know if itś definite or not...I kind of just woke up this morning, had this impulse and want to act upon it! Damn I am impulsive! Spontaneous! This whole trip has been like that for me! Cancelling everything, coming to Prague...doing things never done before. I FUCKING LOVE IT. Itś so me! The me I lost this summer! Im back and in action and ready to take on life with a big ol' FUCK YEAHHHHHH! Dude, Im awesome!
---------------------------------------
Well you call me your baby
when you're holding my hand,
But the way that you hurt me
I just don't understand.
Well you say that you need me
like an ocean needs sand.
But the way you deceive me
I just don't understand.
Well you know that I love you
more than anyone can.
But a one sided love
I just don't understand.
Well you know that I love you
more than anyone can.
But a one sided love
I just don't understand.
Well you call me your baby
when you're holding my hand,
Oh how you can hurt me
I just can't understand. - The Beatles
Thursday, October 25, 2007
its the best thing that you've ever had - the best thing that you've ever had has gone away
I am not coming home. I'm in hell here, I'm in hell there. I might as well make the best of this prettier hell while I am here. I'll learn something else. I'll figure life out. I'll give others the chance to fix their shit and realize how wrong they were. All in good time. As for now, I'm letting go. Moving on. I deserve better. I deserve to be happy. I know who I am. I know what I've done wrong. I know what I can do to make it right. To LET GO. If I fall, flat on my face, alone. Fine. I can just pick myself right back up. I'm strong. I'm smart. I'm better than this. If people only gave me the chance, I could make them the happiest they could ever be.
On a little less of a deeper note...Prague! It's amazing here. I am on of the only girls in this hostel hahah its friggin great! Going out with all of these guys made me realize, holy shit! I am still hot! I can still flirt and get guys and they all seem into me! I still have that charm, if that doesn't sound too cocky haha. Not cocky, confident. I know I can get whatever I want. Might as well play with it. Not actually do anything, but have my fun, make myself feel better. Dude, I am awesome. I am a catch. I haven't realized this in so long. I thought I was shit, "why would he ever want me?" FUCK THAT. I am amazing. Someone should be so lucky to have me! I'm cool, fun, pretty, smart, outgoing, caring, compassionate. I have a lot of love and a lot of smiles to give. Someday I'll find someone to appreciate that. You never know what you've got til its gone.
I have a cold. Boo. It's not bad just makes this trip more annoying. Saw Prague castle yesterday, man! It is so unbelievable. So pretty. It's amazing what man-kind is capable of. Had a traditional czech duck dinner last night too, Patrick the Irishman took me out. Aw! A-sexual people are funny. He was really good to me though, really trying to just be a friend. It felt good to have someone who cared. Someone who was geniune and wanted to talk.
I am going to take everyday as it comes. See what happens to me in life. People make mistakes. You just need to realize them and then change it. Life is made up of second chances. Things can always get better. If not, you can always say atleast you tried. I have hope. Hope for me, the world, friends, boys, life. Without hope, the world around us comes crumbeling down.
----------------------------------
Just call on me
When you're lonely.
I'll keep my love
For you only.
I'll call on you
If I'm lonely too.
Understand I'll stay
With you every day.
Make you love me more
In every way.
So if you want me
Just like I want you.
You know what to do. - The Beatles
-------------------------
Two jumps in a week i bet you think thats prtty clever dont you boy
flying on your motorcycle watching all the ground beneath you drop
you'd kill yourself for reacognision kill yourself to never ever stop
you broke another mirror your turing into something you are not
dont leave me high, dont leave me dry
dont leave me high, dont leave me dry
drying up in comversation you will be the one who cannot talk
all your insides fall to pieces you just sit there wishing you could still make love
there the ones who'll hate you when you think you've got the world all sussed out
there the ones who'll spit at you, you will be the on screaming out
dont leave me high, dont leave me dry
dont leave me high, dont leave me dry
oh its the best thing that you've ever had the best thing that you've ever,ever had
its the best thing that you've ever had the best thing that you've ever had has gone away - High and Dry by Radiohead
On a little less of a deeper note...Prague! It's amazing here. I am on of the only girls in this hostel hahah its friggin great! Going out with all of these guys made me realize, holy shit! I am still hot! I can still flirt and get guys and they all seem into me! I still have that charm, if that doesn't sound too cocky haha. Not cocky, confident. I know I can get whatever I want. Might as well play with it. Not actually do anything, but have my fun, make myself feel better. Dude, I am awesome. I am a catch. I haven't realized this in so long. I thought I was shit, "why would he ever want me?" FUCK THAT. I am amazing. Someone should be so lucky to have me! I'm cool, fun, pretty, smart, outgoing, caring, compassionate. I have a lot of love and a lot of smiles to give. Someday I'll find someone to appreciate that. You never know what you've got til its gone.
I have a cold. Boo. It's not bad just makes this trip more annoying. Saw Prague castle yesterday, man! It is so unbelievable. So pretty. It's amazing what man-kind is capable of. Had a traditional czech duck dinner last night too, Patrick the Irishman took me out. Aw! A-sexual people are funny. He was really good to me though, really trying to just be a friend. It felt good to have someone who cared. Someone who was geniune and wanted to talk.
I am going to take everyday as it comes. See what happens to me in life. People make mistakes. You just need to realize them and then change it. Life is made up of second chances. Things can always get better. If not, you can always say atleast you tried. I have hope. Hope for me, the world, friends, boys, life. Without hope, the world around us comes crumbeling down.
----------------------------------
Just call on me
When you're lonely.
I'll keep my love
For you only.
I'll call on you
If I'm lonely too.
Understand I'll stay
With you every day.
Make you love me more
In every way.
So if you want me
Just like I want you.
You know what to do. - The Beatles
-------------------------
Two jumps in a week i bet you think thats prtty clever dont you boy
flying on your motorcycle watching all the ground beneath you drop
you'd kill yourself for reacognision kill yourself to never ever stop
you broke another mirror your turing into something you are not
dont leave me high, dont leave me dry
dont leave me high, dont leave me dry
drying up in comversation you will be the one who cannot talk
all your insides fall to pieces you just sit there wishing you could still make love
there the ones who'll hate you when you think you've got the world all sussed out
there the ones who'll spit at you, you will be the on screaming out
dont leave me high, dont leave me dry
dont leave me high, dont leave me dry
oh its the best thing that you've ever had the best thing that you've ever,ever had
its the best thing that you've ever had the best thing that you've ever had has gone away - High and Dry by Radiohead
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Childhood dreams...
I'm in Prague right now. Got here last night very late. I've decided to stay her for a bit, as long as i feel like it, really. It feels great to be doing whatever I want, not have a scheduale with this trip, you know? This trip, whoa. What to really say about it? It's eye opening, beautiful, boring, lonely, exciting, horrible. Everything all meshed into one. I haven't decided yet what my next move is though. If I go to Italy, home, anywhere. I've been meeting people, but nothing too exciting. As the movie "Fight Club" would put it, these are single serving friends!
Met a young Irish lad at breakfast this morning and we spent the whole day together exploring the city. He is absolutely lovely. Very shy and innocent in the begninng, not my thing, but once we started really talking he completely opened up. He is actually quite fun, very intellegent and really good at having the deep conversations. I have missed REAL conversation so much! I felt like today was one of the first times I have had it since NY. If this trip keeps having a lack of it, I will certainly be home sooner than expected. I can't live without human contact, I just can't. It's not who I am, what makes me happy. And if I had to take this trip to learn that, then so be it. He leaves tomorrow though, so once again...I shall explore on my own.
I think I would prefer to cut this trip a bit early, save my money, and do it instead next summer with my sister. I think overall it would be more worthwhile. I have learned what I came here to learn. Quickly, yes...but I did. No denying that. This city is beautiful though. It really is like a fantasy town! It's been a childhood dream of mine to come here, so it feels amazing to actually be here and see all the things I've wished for. Met a couple on the street, walking their dogs. They were from NYC! Westchester too. Made me really excited actually to meet someone from home, talk about the same things...etc. They live here now, and LOVE it. I could live here some day. Cheap, beautiful, lots of character, not the hustle and bustle of NYC and just sooooo gorgeous.
This isn't hard, just boring. But it's getting better. I'm smiling a lot more. I can see myself interacting with people differently. Laughing a lot more. Not judging as much. Feeling good about myself. It's nice to have that confidence back. I feel much more alive and more like me. Tomorrow I think I will go to Prague Castle...AHH!!
--------------------
Just what I am feeling right now. Sorry if it's not right:
Don't let me down
Nobody ever loved me like he does
Ooh he does. Yes he does
And if somebody loved me
Like he do me
Ooh he do me. Yes he does
Don't let me down
I'm in love for the first time
Don't you know it's going to last
It's a love that lasts forever
It's a love that has no past
Don't let me down - The Beatles
--------------------------------
I was alone, I took a ride,
I didn't know what I would find there.
Another road where maybe I
Could see another kind of mind there.
Ooh then I suddenly see you,
Ooh did I tell you I need you
Ev'ry single day of life?
You didn't run, you didn't lie,
You knew I wanted just to hold you,
And had you gone, you knew in time
We'd meet again for I had to hold you.
Ooh you were meant to be near me,
Ooh and I want to hear me,
Say we'll be together ev'ry day.
Got to get you into my life.
What can I do, what can I be?
When I'm with you I want to stay there.
If I'm true I'll never leave,
And if I do I know the way there.
Ooh then I suddenly see you,
Ooh did I tell you I need you
Ev'ry single day of my life?
Got to get you into my life. - The Beatles
Met a young Irish lad at breakfast this morning and we spent the whole day together exploring the city. He is absolutely lovely. Very shy and innocent in the begninng, not my thing, but once we started really talking he completely opened up. He is actually quite fun, very intellegent and really good at having the deep conversations. I have missed REAL conversation so much! I felt like today was one of the first times I have had it since NY. If this trip keeps having a lack of it, I will certainly be home sooner than expected. I can't live without human contact, I just can't. It's not who I am, what makes me happy. And if I had to take this trip to learn that, then so be it. He leaves tomorrow though, so once again...I shall explore on my own.
I think I would prefer to cut this trip a bit early, save my money, and do it instead next summer with my sister. I think overall it would be more worthwhile. I have learned what I came here to learn. Quickly, yes...but I did. No denying that. This city is beautiful though. It really is like a fantasy town! It's been a childhood dream of mine to come here, so it feels amazing to actually be here and see all the things I've wished for. Met a couple on the street, walking their dogs. They were from NYC! Westchester too. Made me really excited actually to meet someone from home, talk about the same things...etc. They live here now, and LOVE it. I could live here some day. Cheap, beautiful, lots of character, not the hustle and bustle of NYC and just sooooo gorgeous.
This isn't hard, just boring. But it's getting better. I'm smiling a lot more. I can see myself interacting with people differently. Laughing a lot more. Not judging as much. Feeling good about myself. It's nice to have that confidence back. I feel much more alive and more like me. Tomorrow I think I will go to Prague Castle...AHH!!
--------------------
Just what I am feeling right now. Sorry if it's not right:
Don't let me down
Nobody ever loved me like he does
Ooh he does. Yes he does
And if somebody loved me
Like he do me
Ooh he do me. Yes he does
Don't let me down
I'm in love for the first time
Don't you know it's going to last
It's a love that lasts forever
It's a love that has no past
Don't let me down - The Beatles
--------------------------------
I was alone, I took a ride,
I didn't know what I would find there.
Another road where maybe I
Could see another kind of mind there.
Ooh then I suddenly see you,
Ooh did I tell you I need you
Ev'ry single day of life?
You didn't run, you didn't lie,
You knew I wanted just to hold you,
And had you gone, you knew in time
We'd meet again for I had to hold you.
Ooh you were meant to be near me,
Ooh and I want to hear me,
Say we'll be together ev'ry day.
Got to get you into my life.
What can I do, what can I be?
When I'm with you I want to stay there.
If I'm true I'll never leave,
And if I do I know the way there.
Ooh then I suddenly see you,
Ooh did I tell you I need you
Ev'ry single day of my life?
Got to get you into my life. - The Beatles
Saturday, October 20, 2007
my new thing is beatles quotes
I'm sitting in Rose's bed right now, back in London. Felt very strange to leave Oxford, but also in a way, very good. It was a wonderful little trip. I got to think and remenise about so many things in the past. It also gave me a lot of time to think of things in the future. One thing I just can't seem to get out of my mind is the word "LOVE." Just the meaning of it, What is it. to really love? Is it a luxury only some are supposed to have? And if one does ever have it, why would you throw it all away? Love really does make the world go round. Every where I look, I see it in some form. An elderly couple. Sisters. Young love flitting about. It makes me really wonder why people don't appreciate it more, how we all take it for granted. Love is the most precious gift anyone could recieve. It is our reason for living. To share memories, to share laughs, to share smiles, to share hearts and souls. If we could, why wouldn't we be in love our entire lives? Or be more thankful for it? I don't know, its hard to explain how I am feeling, really. I just miss the people that I love a lot. I've had a lot of time to just sit around and watch a park and see all the love that walks through it. You don't need breaks from love. You don't need time off from love. What you do need, what we all need, is time to stand back, look at our lives, our situtations, the love we have for ourselves and others....and see how we can make it better. Make it gro.w.
I took advantage of love. With family, friends, relationships. I don't plan on doing that anymore. I don't want that done to me! I want to give all the love I have, ALL the time to the world! Especially to the people nearest and dearest. It's been a very long time since I've sat down and thought like this, which is what I've been doing for a week straight now. It feels good. I need to do this more often when I go home.
One other big thing I've noticed is that most people aren't happy. REALLY happy. As I sat in the Oxford town square just people watching, I wondered how many of the people around me were actualy happy with their lives and they way they live it. 20 out of 100? 50? 34? Probably someting very low though. I've decided I don't want to be like them anymore. We all shouldn't. We have one life to live. One. Why not make every single day as happy as possible? Do what YOU want. Surround tyourself with loved ones, people who make you feel best about yourself and life. If you don't like a situation, you change it. You work on it. You strive to live the happiest life you possibly can. I've decided, that's what I am going to do. Live every day as if it's my last! Stop moping about with a woe-is-me atttitude and get out there and make it better! I'm sick and tired of all the shit! I truly feel a real change.
I miss home. I'm not very happy here. So I need to change that. I did already. I cancelled all of my hostels and flights. I am going to just see where this trip takes me. See how long it takes me. If I come home in 2 weeks, or 6, or 20. I'll come home when it is right for me and it feels good for me. I don't want to force myself to try and have fun, to try and live up to other peoples standards. Yes, eveyone says, nOOO stay you are so stupid! But you know what? They aren't me. I am not scared. I am not running away from something that is so big and scary and makes me want to run home crying. I just simply feel like this isn't the right step for me, it's not where I should be or what I should be doing with my life right now. Maybe some day, yes. But right now I want to be out there. Living. But not alone. I want to share my love with others. MY others. Which I am finding to be extremely difficult when you are across an ocean...I had to come here though. I had to figure all of this out on my own. I wasn't going to understand it all until I was ready. I am ready. I hear it all now. I am very happy I am came here. Life wouldn't of been the same without it.
If I do come home early, please don't think less of me. Don't think I am a scared little girl. Not that I really care what people think about me and this whole thing? It is ALL FOR ME. But simply for the fact that I want people to see my real situtation and respect and learn from me. Do what makes you feel good. Try new things. Go across an ocean if it scares you. I did. And I found exactly what I was looking for, something that has been hiding for a very long time....
ME.
------------------------
Close your eyes and I'll kiss you,
Tomorrow I'll miss you,
Remember I'll always be true,
And then while I'm away,
I'll write home every day,
And I'll send all my loving to you.
I'll pretend I am kissing,
The lips I am missing,
And hope that my dreams will come true,
And then while I'm away,
I'll write home every day,
And I'll send all my loving to you.
All my loving, I will send to you,
All my loving, darling, I'll be true. - All My Loving by The Beatles
----------------------------
Ah, love is old, love is new
Love is all, love is you
Because the sky is blue
it makes me cry - Because by The Beatles
I took advantage of love. With family, friends, relationships. I don't plan on doing that anymore. I don't want that done to me! I want to give all the love I have, ALL the time to the world! Especially to the people nearest and dearest. It's been a very long time since I've sat down and thought like this, which is what I've been doing for a week straight now. It feels good. I need to do this more often when I go home.
One other big thing I've noticed is that most people aren't happy. REALLY happy. As I sat in the Oxford town square just people watching, I wondered how many of the people around me were actualy happy with their lives and they way they live it. 20 out of 100? 50? 34? Probably someting very low though. I've decided I don't want to be like them anymore. We all shouldn't. We have one life to live. One. Why not make every single day as happy as possible? Do what YOU want. Surround tyourself with loved ones, people who make you feel best about yourself and life. If you don't like a situation, you change it. You work on it. You strive to live the happiest life you possibly can. I've decided, that's what I am going to do. Live every day as if it's my last! Stop moping about with a woe-is-me atttitude and get out there and make it better! I'm sick and tired of all the shit! I truly feel a real change.
I miss home. I'm not very happy here. So I need to change that. I did already. I cancelled all of my hostels and flights. I am going to just see where this trip takes me. See how long it takes me. If I come home in 2 weeks, or 6, or 20. I'll come home when it is right for me and it feels good for me. I don't want to force myself to try and have fun, to try and live up to other peoples standards. Yes, eveyone says, nOOO stay you are so stupid! But you know what? They aren't me. I am not scared. I am not running away from something that is so big and scary and makes me want to run home crying. I just simply feel like this isn't the right step for me, it's not where I should be or what I should be doing with my life right now. Maybe some day, yes. But right now I want to be out there. Living. But not alone. I want to share my love with others. MY others. Which I am finding to be extremely difficult when you are across an ocean...I had to come here though. I had to figure all of this out on my own. I wasn't going to understand it all until I was ready. I am ready. I hear it all now. I am very happy I am came here. Life wouldn't of been the same without it.
If I do come home early, please don't think less of me. Don't think I am a scared little girl. Not that I really care what people think about me and this whole thing? It is ALL FOR ME. But simply for the fact that I want people to see my real situtation and respect and learn from me. Do what makes you feel good. Try new things. Go across an ocean if it scares you. I did. And I found exactly what I was looking for, something that has been hiding for a very long time....
ME.
------------------------
Close your eyes and I'll kiss you,
Tomorrow I'll miss you,
Remember I'll always be true,
And then while I'm away,
I'll write home every day,
And I'll send all my loving to you.
I'll pretend I am kissing,
The lips I am missing,
And hope that my dreams will come true,
And then while I'm away,
I'll write home every day,
And I'll send all my loving to you.
All my loving, I will send to you,
All my loving, darling, I'll be true. - All My Loving by The Beatles
----------------------------
Ah, love is old, love is new
Love is all, love is you
Because the sky is blue
it makes me cry - Because by The Beatles
Friday, October 19, 2007
Oxford, my old home!
I'm here in Oxford. Everywhere I turn it's somewhere I've been, some crazy memory rushs back to me from 4 years ago. It makes me so happy. I really loved this place and the people I was with. Taught me a lot about life. I met some great girls from Denmark here. We went out last night with 3 weird Israeli boys and a guy from Cornell thats doing a semester abroad here at Oxford. It was a blast, for awhile. Kind of just drank a bit and had some good broken english conversations. I'm staying here an extra night, more to relax. Its a great hostel and I can really chill out here, which I need. I am going back to London tomorrow and meeting Rose for lunch then crashing at her place. On Sunday I want to fly to Prague. I want to throw my entire trip out the window and start anew.
So I am. I also don't like this. I dont like being here alone. I'm just not that person, this isn't for everyone. I'm fine with admitting that. This wasnt a mistake, I am very happy I'm doing this, I just want to not do it the way I planned or for as long. So I am going to go to Prague for 4-5 days then head to Italy for 2 weeks. I'll come home after that prob. Give me a good month here. I'm not embarrassed or ashamed. I'm doing what I WANT. Good for me.
But I have had a ton of time to think and reflect on my life and realize all that was wrong with it and what I want to change. There is so much I want to change, and I don't want to wait 2 months to do it. I want to wait 3 weeks, at most. I really am happy I've had this time, it made me learn. I really think I can change my life now, the way I live it day to day. I just hope others accept it...especially one.
I've been taking walks in gardens and parks, and man do I love that. Reading in them too. I need to do THAT more often.
So I am. I also don't like this. I dont like being here alone. I'm just not that person, this isn't for everyone. I'm fine with admitting that. This wasnt a mistake, I am very happy I'm doing this, I just want to not do it the way I planned or for as long. So I am going to go to Prague for 4-5 days then head to Italy for 2 weeks. I'll come home after that prob. Give me a good month here. I'm not embarrassed or ashamed. I'm doing what I WANT. Good for me.
But I have had a ton of time to think and reflect on my life and realize all that was wrong with it and what I want to change. There is so much I want to change, and I don't want to wait 2 months to do it. I want to wait 3 weeks, at most. I really am happy I've had this time, it made me learn. I really think I can change my life now, the way I live it day to day. I just hope others accept it...especially one.
I've been taking walks in gardens and parks, and man do I love that. Reading in them too. I need to do THAT more often.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
'ello from merry ol' London!
Well, I'm here! It's so very strange so be here alone. I love the freedom of being able to do what I want, when I want...but it's really hard doing it all by myself. Every time I want to point something out to someone, or laugh, or comment...I can't. But I guess that's the point of all this? To do things on my own. To think. Figure stuff out. It will just take some time to adjust and get used to. But it's ok. It's an experience!
So, HOSTELS. Whoa, talk about a change! It's a mixture of summer camp and the first day at the Neighborhood Playhouse. Bunk beds, 16 strangers. Noise, light, commotion. No one has been very friendly at this particular one, I am really hoping that changes! I need to make SOME friends, you know? But it's ok, I slept like a baby for the most part. Been reading a bunch too. Especially Into the Wild. It's so beautiful!
Been doing fun things. Yesterday I went to the Westminster Abbey. I swear, that and Parliament, Big Ben...etc. are some of the most beautiful places in the world! In the church, I saw Lewis Carroll's plaque/grave thing. It read, "Is all of life, then but a dream?" I find that to be one of the most amazing sentences in the world. Especially coming from a man I have grown to love and admire. Had some good ol' fish and chips and a pint at pub near Trafalgar Sq. last night too, yummy!!
Today I went to London Tower and Covent Gardens. I'm now just walking around town seeing what else I can find before meeting Rose for drinks later on. BTW, the subway here is soooo much better then NY's! They have cushioned seats! AH! So, tomorrow I am going to go to the British Museum, check out the Egypt stuff ;) Then on Thursday, to Oxford! I can't WAIT for that! Well, I am off for now. I'll write soon. To all I left at home, I send my love. I miss home, I do. I miss some of the people. A LOT. But that is good. In the end, this will be good for me, no matter what hardships I face along the way. And it will be good for others around me. For I shall be stronger in the future, I will do better at making this world a better place. I can promise you that.
From London....CHEERIO!
So, HOSTELS. Whoa, talk about a change! It's a mixture of summer camp and the first day at the Neighborhood Playhouse. Bunk beds, 16 strangers. Noise, light, commotion. No one has been very friendly at this particular one, I am really hoping that changes! I need to make SOME friends, you know? But it's ok, I slept like a baby for the most part. Been reading a bunch too. Especially Into the Wild. It's so beautiful!
Been doing fun things. Yesterday I went to the Westminster Abbey. I swear, that and Parliament, Big Ben...etc. are some of the most beautiful places in the world! In the church, I saw Lewis Carroll's plaque/grave thing. It read, "Is all of life, then but a dream?" I find that to be one of the most amazing sentences in the world. Especially coming from a man I have grown to love and admire. Had some good ol' fish and chips and a pint at pub near Trafalgar Sq. last night too, yummy!!
Today I went to London Tower and Covent Gardens. I'm now just walking around town seeing what else I can find before meeting Rose for drinks later on. BTW, the subway here is soooo much better then NY's! They have cushioned seats! AH! So, tomorrow I am going to go to the British Museum, check out the Egypt stuff ;) Then on Thursday, to Oxford! I can't WAIT for that! Well, I am off for now. I'll write soon. To all I left at home, I send my love. I miss home, I do. I miss some of the people. A LOT. But that is good. In the end, this will be good for me, no matter what hardships I face along the way. And it will be good for others around me. For I shall be stronger in the future, I will do better at making this world a better place. I can promise you that.
From London....CHEERIO!
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Want to write me?
If anyone ever gets the urge to be totally old school, feel free to write me a letter! Here is where I will be and when! AH! If you want, go to Hostelworld.com and type in the name of the Hostel I am staying in and then all the information, pictures...etc. will come up!
Lindsay’s Big Grand European Adventure Itinerary
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Booking reference: ZONA44
British Airways Flight BA0116
From: John F Kennedy (New York) Terminal 7 To: Heathrow (London)
Depart: 14 Oct 2007 8:01 pm Arrive: 15 Oct 2007 8:00 am
Monday, October 15 – Tuesday, October 16 – Wednesday, October 17 – London, England
Journeys Paddington - 16 Bed Mixed GBP $24.30
308 Edgware Road
E-mail: info@bestplacehostels.com Phone: +44(0)207 723 7980
Thursday, October 18 – Oxford, England
Central Backpackers - 12 Bed Mixed $31.37
13 Park End Street
Email: oxford@centralbackpackers.co.uk Phone: +44-1865-242288
Friday, October 19 – Saturday, October 20 – London, England
Picadilly Backpackers Hostel -
12 Sherwood Street , Piccadilly, London W1F 7BR, United Kingdom
E-mail: bookings@piccadillybackpackers
Sunday, October 21 – Monday, October 22 – Tuesday, October 23 – Paris, France
Young and Happy Hostel - 6 Mixed Dorm
80 rue Mouffetard, 75005 Paris
E-mail: smile@youngandhappy.fr Phone: 01 47 07 47 07
Wednesday, October 24 – Thursday, October 25 – Friday, October 26 – Brussels, Belgium
Youth Hostel Van Gogh (Chab) - 6 Bed Female Dorm - $67.62
rue Traversiere 8, 1210 Bruxelles
E-mail: info@chab.be Phone: +32 2 2170158
Saturday, October 27 – Sunday, October 28 – Monday, October 29 – Amsterdam, Netherlands
Flying Pig Uptown - 12 Mixed Dorm - € 64.70
Vossiusstraat 46, 1071 AJ Amsterdam, Netherlands
E-mail: uptown@flyingpig.nl Phone: +31 (20) 400 41 87
Tuesday, October 30 – Wednesday, October 31 – Thursday, November 1 – Berlin, Germany
The Circus Hostel - 5 Mixed Dorm - $80.30
Weinbergsweg 1a, 10119
E-mail: info@circus-berlin.de Phone: +49 30 28391433
Friday, November 2 – through Tuesday, November 6 – Prague, Czech Republic
The Boathouse - 5 Mixed Dorm - $76.10
Lodnicka 1, 147 00 Prague 4
E-mail: boathouse@volny.cz Phone: +420 241 770 051
Wombats City Hostel – The Lounge - 6 Female Dorm - $71.85
Mariahilfer Strasse 137
E-mail: office@wombats-vienna.at Phone: +43 (0)1 8972336
Saturday, November 10 – Sunday, November 11 – Monday, November 12 – Salzburg, Austria
YoHo International Youth Hostel - 6 Female Dorm - $76.07
Paracelsusstr. 9, A 5020 Salzburg
E-mail: yoho@yoho.at Phone: +43 662 879649
Wombats City Hostel - 10 Mixed Dorm - $33.81
Senefelderstrasse 1, 80336 Munich
E-mail: office@wombats-munich.de Phone: +49 89 59989180
Thursday, November 15 – Friday, November 16 – Saturday, November 17 – Lucerne, Switzerland
Backpackers Lucerne - 10 Mixed Dorm -
Alpenquai 42, CH-6005 Luzern
E-mail: info@backpackerslucerne.ch Phone: +41 41 360 04 20
Sunday, November 18 – Monday, November 19 – Tuesday, November 20 – Venice, Italy
Hotel CaSa Linger - 4 Mixed Dorm - $97.21
Fondamtenta S.Antonin castello 3541
E-mail: hotelcasalinger@hotmail.com Phone: +39 0415285920
Wednesday, November 21 – Thursday, November 22 – Friday, November 23 – Florence, Italy
Hotel Sampaoli - 6 Female Dorm - $75.65
Via San Gallo 14
E-mail: hotelinflorence@gmail.com Phone: 39 055 284834
Saturday, November 24 – through – Tuesday, November 27 – Rome, Italy
Chianti Hostel - 8 Mixed Dorm - $81.15
Via Carlo Alberto, 53,
E-mail: info@backpackers.it Phone: +39 06 48 93 05 56
Mamì Camilla - 12 Mixed Dorm - $84.53
Via Cocumella no.04
E-mail: info@mamicamilla.com Phone: 0390818770667
Saturday, December 1 – Ferryboat from Bari, Italy to Patras, Greece
Leaves at 8PM - SUPERFAST VI
We have booked 1 Female Dormitory - Total fare: 36 euro
Reservation code: 83010196 Expiry date: 12.11.07
Sunday, December 2 – through - Thursday, December 6 – Athens, Greece
Athens Backpackers - 6 Female Dorm - $126.79
12 Makri Street, 11742 Athens
E-mail: booking@backpackers.gr Phone: +30 210 922 4044
12:45 pm - 4:55 pm – Flying: Alitalia
Itinerary number: 121411496549
Athens Depart 12:45 pm to Milan (MXP) Arrive 2:30 pm Flight # 733
Milan Depart 3:20 pm to Barcelona (BCN) Arrive 4:55 pm Flight # 52
Friday, December 7 – through - Monday, December 10 – Barcelona, Spain
Mambo Tango Backpackers Hostel - 6 Mixed Dorm - $115.52
C/ Poeta Cabanyes 23,
E-mail: info@hostelmambotango.com Phone: +34 93 4425164
Tuesday, December 11 - Wednesday, December 12 - Thursday, December 13 – Madrid, Spain
Cats Hostel - 10 Female Dorm - $84.53
Cañizares nº6, 28012
E-mail: info@catshostel.com Phone: +34 91 369 28 07
Friday, December 14 – through -Monday, December 17 – Malaga, Spain
The Melting Pot Backpackers Hostel Malaga - 6 Female Dorm - $101.43
Paseo de Salvador Rueda, 9
E-mail: hostelthemeltingpot@hotmail.com Phone: +34 952 600 571
Easy Jet Airlines - Flight 5178
Departing at 11:00 - Arriving at 12:45 @ London Gatwick (South Terminal)
Booking Reference Number: ECV9BKV
Tuesday, December 18 – London, England
Sleeping somewhere! Whichever hostel I liked better when I first arrived in London, I’ll make the reservation when I am there in Oct! YAY
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
British Airways Flight BA0115
From: Heathrow (London) Terminal 4 To: John F Kennedy (NY)
Depart: 19 Dec 2007 4:00 pm Arrive: 19 Dec 2007 6:45pm
TOMORROW!!!
This time tomorrow...this exact moment...I will be in London. HOLY SHIT. Excuse my french! Hehe..wait, France is NEXT!
I feel good.
Right now, I feel the best I have felt in a long time. I am embarking on the journey of a lifetime. This is going to be so good for me and so good for all the people around me. And I am leaving this country on a good note...with friends, family, boys...life.
This will be good.
Stay tuned for my first update on my BIG Grand European Adventure! Starting with England...TOMORROW!!!
I feel good.
Right now, I feel the best I have felt in a long time. I am embarking on the journey of a lifetime. This is going to be so good for me and so good for all the people around me. And I am leaving this country on a good note...with friends, family, boys...life.
This will be good.
Stay tuned for my first update on my BIG Grand European Adventure! Starting with England...TOMORROW!!!
Friday, October 5, 2007
New Itinerary
So, I've changed my itinerary quite a bit. I leave in a little over a week, EEEK so excited! Things are really starting to fall into place. I'm learning about places, finding friends who have friends over there for me, booking hostels...etc... My parents come home today from their Grand Chinese Adventure so it will be helpful for me to have mom around to prep me and help me shop. Next Saturday night, Maggie and I will be at a bar celebrating out departures (her to Texas for a month with her bf) and calling it a "Leaving Logan Home Alone" party. Poor boy, all alone in the apartment! I'm sure he will love it, hehe. So yes, my new itinerary. PLEASE e-mail me addresses ASAP so I can send you postcards when I get there! Gracias! -- (see, practicing my Spanish for Spain already...oh I am so good! heh)
Fly to London - visit Oxford
Chunnel to Paris
Train to Brussels
Train to Amsterdam
Train to Berlin
Train to Prague
Train to Vienna
Train to Salzburg, Austria
Train to Munich, Germany
Train to Luzern, Switzerland
Train to Venice
Train to Florence
Train to Rome
Train to Sorrento - visit Naples, Pompeii
Boat to Athens, Greece
Fly to Milan
Train to Marseilles
Train to Barcelona
Train to Madrid
Fly back to London
Fly home to NYC!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fly to London - visit Oxford
Chunnel to Paris
Train to Brussels
Train to Amsterdam
Train to Berlin
Train to Prague
Train to Vienna
Train to Salzburg, Austria
Train to Munich, Germany
Train to Luzern, Switzerland
Train to Venice
Train to Florence
Train to Rome
Train to Sorrento - visit Naples, Pompeii
Boat to Athens, Greece
Fly to Milan
Train to Marseilles
Train to Barcelona
Train to Madrid
Fly back to London
Fly home to NYC!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Europe! Check back for more updates!
So, I did it! I bought my plane ticket and Eurorail pass 2 days ago! I fly to London on Oct. 14 at 8:00PM and arrive back to NYC on Dec. 19. Holy shit. I am going backpacking through Europe, alone, for two months. Am I crazy? I hope so :) I am going to 11 countries! This is my BASIC plan right now, it's possible it could change!
Start in London - Take the Chunnel to Paris - Train to Brussels, Belguim - Train to Amsterdam, The Netherlands - Train to Berlin, Germany - Train to Prague, Czech Rep. - Train to Vienna, Austria - Train to Zurich, then Bern, Switzerland - Train to Milan, Italy - Possible train to Nice, Cannes, Marseilles or any other part of the South of France!! - Fly from Milan to Athens, Greece - Take ferry boat from Patras, Greece to Bari, Italy - Train to Napoli, then Rome, Italy - Take ferry boat from Rome to Barcelona, Spain - Train to Madrid, Spain - Fly from Madrid back to London, England - Fly from London to NYC, USA! - ...3-4 days later... Fly from NYC to Oregon for Christmas!
HOLY SHIT!!! Tell me that is not the coolest thing in the entire world!?!? I will be meeting so many people, seeing so many beautiful sites, taking great pictures, learning everything I can! I can't wait. I wish some friends I could meet along the way. You know, spend a few days in Italy with a friend. That could be fun. It would be nice to have Logan for a bit too, but damn school is in the way. I'll be meeting up with Rose in England at least! Can't wait. So yeah, there it is. Welcome to my blog about my trip, and my planning for the trip. My Big Grand European Adventure. Thank you Sean Penn, for writing Into The Wild. I LOVE YOU. And I love my boyfriend :)
Oh, I should probably mention WHY I am doing this? Well, it's simple...yet complicated beyond belief. Basally, I need to find myself. I need to grow up. I have never been alone or independent in my entire life. I need to go and see if I can do this. I've been wanting to for YEARS, but kept getting scared. No more! I have no commitments or responsibilities here holding me back, it's now or never. No job, no "career", no school, no show. So it's best I do it while I can. I want to read! To write! To learn! To experience! And right now, for me, NYC is making me feel trapped. I need to get out for a bit. I know I will come back a better, stronger, more grounded person. I will be happier in life, more knowledgeable, treat people better...etc. It is going to be the best thing possible for me. I can't wait. And my friends, bf, and family (almost all my family, that is) all do support me! Thank you guys! Logan will still be in our apartment, BTW. I'll be coming back to Spanish Harlem as soon as I get back! So, keep checking back for more updates on my trip! On where to send me letters, where I am going..etc. Also, please send me your addresses! I will try and send as many postcards as possible! Love to all. PEACE.
Start in London - Take the Chunnel to Paris - Train to Brussels, Belguim - Train to Amsterdam, The Netherlands - Train to Berlin, Germany - Train to Prague, Czech Rep. - Train to Vienna, Austria - Train to Zurich, then Bern, Switzerland - Train to Milan, Italy - Possible train to Nice, Cannes, Marseilles or any other part of the South of France!! - Fly from Milan to Athens, Greece - Take ferry boat from Patras, Greece to Bari, Italy - Train to Napoli, then Rome, Italy - Take ferry boat from Rome to Barcelona, Spain - Train to Madrid, Spain - Fly from Madrid back to London, England - Fly from London to NYC, USA! - ...3-4 days later... Fly from NYC to Oregon for Christmas!
HOLY SHIT!!! Tell me that is not the coolest thing in the entire world!?!? I will be meeting so many people, seeing so many beautiful sites, taking great pictures, learning everything I can! I can't wait. I wish some friends I could meet along the way. You know, spend a few days in Italy with a friend. That could be fun. It would be nice to have Logan for a bit too, but damn school is in the way. I'll be meeting up with Rose in England at least! Can't wait. So yeah, there it is. Welcome to my blog about my trip, and my planning for the trip. My Big Grand European Adventure. Thank you Sean Penn, for writing Into The Wild. I LOVE YOU. And I love my boyfriend :)
Oh, I should probably mention WHY I am doing this? Well, it's simple...yet complicated beyond belief. Basally, I need to find myself. I need to grow up. I have never been alone or independent in my entire life. I need to go and see if I can do this. I've been wanting to for YEARS, but kept getting scared. No more! I have no commitments or responsibilities here holding me back, it's now or never. No job, no "career", no school, no show. So it's best I do it while I can. I want to read! To write! To learn! To experience! And right now, for me, NYC is making me feel trapped. I need to get out for a bit. I know I will come back a better, stronger, more grounded person. I will be happier in life, more knowledgeable, treat people better...etc. It is going to be the best thing possible for me. I can't wait. And my friends, bf, and family (almost all my family, that is) all do support me! Thank you guys! Logan will still be in our apartment, BTW. I'll be coming back to Spanish Harlem as soon as I get back! So, keep checking back for more updates on my trip! On where to send me letters, where I am going..etc. Also, please send me your addresses! I will try and send as many postcards as possible! Love to all. PEACE.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Relaxation? I think not!
Funny. Today is my first day off, where I have NO commitments or responsibilities whatsoever in MONTHS. MONTHS! And all I want to do is clean my apartment, work on my career and be productive in so many other ways. Will I ever let myself relax? Do nothing? No. There is too much to be done right now. Although, it does sound intriguing. Sitting around, doing nothing but watching bad cheesy movies, surfing the net, working on my websites, creating jewelry. Sounds nice. Wish I had time for that.
My Great Aunt passed away yesterday. She had cancer, so we knew it was just a matter of time. Our family was very close, so I am extremely upset. I swear, these days they are just dropping like flies. My family is getting smaller and smaller. I barely cried. Not out of denial, or not being sad or anything of the sort. Just because, I feel like I am getting numb to it all. There are so many sick people in my family. There have been so many deaths the past couple of years. It all just seems natural at this point. Now that Rhoda is gone, it is totally possible that her husband, Arthur will go in a few weeks. It seems that happens a lot in life long relationships. That you can't live without the other. It's strange, but I find those types of things amazing.
Not being able to live, to survive without your spouse. Your other half. I think that's how Logan and I will be someday. He really is my other half, my soul mate. It's crazy, but I couldn't imagine living life without him.
Ok, time to go clean my room. I am already 22 minutes behind on my cleaning schedule for the day. Oy jeez.
My Great Aunt passed away yesterday. She had cancer, so we knew it was just a matter of time. Our family was very close, so I am extremely upset. I swear, these days they are just dropping like flies. My family is getting smaller and smaller. I barely cried. Not out of denial, or not being sad or anything of the sort. Just because, I feel like I am getting numb to it all. There are so many sick people in my family. There have been so many deaths the past couple of years. It all just seems natural at this point. Now that Rhoda is gone, it is totally possible that her husband, Arthur will go in a few weeks. It seems that happens a lot in life long relationships. That you can't live without the other. It's strange, but I find those types of things amazing.
Not being able to live, to survive without your spouse. Your other half. I think that's how Logan and I will be someday. He really is my other half, my soul mate. It's crazy, but I couldn't imagine living life without him.
Ok, time to go clean my room. I am already 22 minutes behind on my cleaning schedule for the day. Oy jeez.
Friday, March 23, 2007
i finally did it. i gave in.
I have had many blogs over the past 10 years. I gave it up a few years ago for certain personal reasons, and told myself I would never create one like this again. But I find typing much easier and faster than writing in my regular journal. And because of that and the fact that I barely have any time to even breathe anymore...I figure this could be the best solution to how I can get my thoughts out of my head....for the moment.
I am here, sitting in the 4th floor lounge at school. I have been here since 8:30am...and will be here for another hour and a half...waiting for my partners to show up so we can rehearse. It's amazing, I dread coming to this school sometimes. I just want to be home, in bed, watching movies, out exploring the city...anywhere but here. But then I get here, and it sucks me in. I never want to leave. I want to giggle and learn and act and be with my friends here forever. But forever is over in about a week. Classes end in one week, ONE. No more Pinter. No more Ramsey. No more lunch breaks with my boyfriend. No more sitting in the basement making fun of people and laughing with my friends until it hurts. No more trying to memorize a billion things for 8 billion classes. No more Playhouse. Weird. I haven't really thought about it much, or let it hit me yet...much. But man, this is it. The final stretch. Then I am done. Out of school forever. On my own. The real world. Being an adult. WHAT!?!?
Holy shit, I am scared.
I am here, sitting in the 4th floor lounge at school. I have been here since 8:30am...and will be here for another hour and a half...waiting for my partners to show up so we can rehearse. It's amazing, I dread coming to this school sometimes. I just want to be home, in bed, watching movies, out exploring the city...anywhere but here. But then I get here, and it sucks me in. I never want to leave. I want to giggle and learn and act and be with my friends here forever. But forever is over in about a week. Classes end in one week, ONE. No more Pinter. No more Ramsey. No more lunch breaks with my boyfriend. No more sitting in the basement making fun of people and laughing with my friends until it hurts. No more trying to memorize a billion things for 8 billion classes. No more Playhouse. Weird. I haven't really thought about it much, or let it hit me yet...much. But man, this is it. The final stretch. Then I am done. Out of school forever. On my own. The real world. Being an adult. WHAT!?!?
Holy shit, I am scared.
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