im back and ready for action

im home.

yep. i did it. very out of the blue, decided to just end my trip and come home. it wasnt because i was scared, lonely, bored, anything of the sort. I went there to accomplish something...and I did. I did everything I needed to do. I read, wrote, learned, partied, got my head on straight, did something on my own, made myself happy and feel good. so i felt like it was time to use all that and apply it to my real life. it was just time to come home. and now that i am here, alone, in my apartment...i feel amazing. im so happy to be here. ive been very productive! working out, 6 job interviews lined up, auditions, plans. it's exciting. its a new chapter in my life.

i was scared of what others would say when i came home early. but now, after talking to some friends, they see the difference in me. they see that i am ME again, the old me, the me that hasnt been around in months. not the depressed, stuck in a rut lindsay that was here before. it feels so good to have others recognize that and admit it to me. i feel great. im taking every day as it comes. i have nothing, i have no job, no relationship, no career, no money. and i love it. im starting from scratch. i have the whole world at my finger tips. i can do whatever i want, whenever i want. i can make everything happen for me...and that is SOOO thrilling to think about.

james brown says it best...I FEEL GOOD

alanis morissette also says it veeerrry well

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I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five
I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette
And what it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign
I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chickenshit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano
And what it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything's just fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxi cab - Alanis Morissettte