its the best thing that you've ever had - the best thing that you've ever had has gone away

I am not coming home. I'm in hell here, I'm in hell there. I might as well make the best of this prettier hell while I am here. I'll learn something else. I'll figure life out. I'll give others the chance to fix their shit and realize how wrong they were. All in good time. As for now, I'm letting go. Moving on. I deserve better. I deserve to be happy. I know who I am. I know what I've done wrong. I know what I can do to make it right. To LET GO. If I fall, flat on my face, alone. Fine. I can just pick myself right back up. I'm strong. I'm smart. I'm better than this. If people only gave me the chance, I could make them the happiest they could ever be.

On a little less of a deeper note...Prague! It's amazing here. I am on of the only girls in this hostel hahah its friggin great! Going out with all of these guys made me realize, holy shit! I am still hot! I can still flirt and get guys and they all seem into me! I still have that charm, if that doesn't sound too cocky haha. Not cocky, confident. I know I can get whatever I want. Might as well play with it. Not actually do anything, but have my fun, make myself feel better. Dude, I am awesome. I am a catch. I haven't realized this in so long. I thought I was shit, "why would he ever want me?" FUCK THAT. I am amazing. Someone should be so lucky to have me! I'm cool, fun, pretty, smart, outgoing, caring, compassionate. I have a lot of love and a lot of smiles to give. Someday I'll find someone to appreciate that. You never know what you've got til its gone.

I have a cold. Boo. It's not bad just makes this trip more annoying. Saw Prague castle yesterday, man! It is so unbelievable. So pretty. It's amazing what man-kind is capable of. Had a traditional czech duck dinner last night too, Patrick the Irishman took me out. Aw! A-sexual people are funny. He was really good to me though, really trying to just be a friend. It felt good to have someone who cared. Someone who was geniune and wanted to talk.

I am going to take everyday as it comes. See what happens to me in life. People make mistakes. You just need to realize them and then change it. Life is made up of second chances. Things can always get better. If not, you can always say atleast you tried. I have hope. Hope for me, the world, friends, boys, life. Without hope, the world around us comes crumbeling down.

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Just call on me
When you're lonely.
I'll keep my love
For you only.
I'll call on you
If I'm lonely too.
Understand I'll stay
With you every day.
Make you love me more
In every way.
So if you want me
Just like I want you.
You know what to do. - The Beatles

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Two jumps in a week i bet you think thats prtty clever dont you boy
flying on your motorcycle watching all the ground beneath you drop
you'd kill yourself for reacognision kill yourself to never ever stop
you broke another mirror your turing into something you are not
dont leave me high, dont leave me dry
dont leave me high, dont leave me dry
drying up in comversation you will be the one who cannot talk
all your insides fall to pieces you just sit there wishing you could still make love
there the ones who'll hate you when you think you've got the world all sussed out
there the ones who'll spit at you, you will be the on screaming out
dont leave me high, dont leave me dry
dont leave me high, dont leave me dry
oh its the best thing that you've ever had the best thing that you've ever,ever had
its the best thing that you've ever had the best thing that you've ever had has gone away - High and Dry by Radiohead